Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize