we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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