enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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