You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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