Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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