I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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