Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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