I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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