Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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