I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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