11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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