And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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