Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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