It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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