his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
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Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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