no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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