I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize