she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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