My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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