So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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