i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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