saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize