How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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