We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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