I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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