I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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