There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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