I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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