Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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