She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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