I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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