Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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