I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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