Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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