I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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