she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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