Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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