every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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