just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize