I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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