I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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