My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize