He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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