I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize