She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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