Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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