He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize