that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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