i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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