I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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